


Scent of Memory

by DameGrise



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F, Massage, Mental Institutions, Role-Playing Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-29
Updated: 2007-10-29
Packaged: 2017-10-20 15:56:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DameGrise/pseuds/DameGrise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a trip to Doyleton, Utena gets a massage and rethinks her relationship with the Anthy she found at Landel's Institute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scent of Memory

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Oktoberfest 2007 at Landel's Damned on Livejournal. It was intended for the players of Utena and Anthy. Utena was taken from the movie, and Anthy from the show, and unless you wrap your head around it funny, they aren't completely compatible canons. I was having a hard time juggling movie canon vs. series, but I love these characters so much I really wanted to try. I hope it's more cute and sappy than offensive. Thanks to my beta, Lauren a.k.a. Recluse-mun. I've made a few minor edits before posting it here.

Sitting alone in the Sun Room trying to soak up the warmth streaming through the window wasn't Utena's usual style, but she had several issues on her mind to distract her. She much preferred to talk through what was on her mind, but even in the collection of misfits and forces of nature that made up her fellow inmates at Landel's Institute she thought only one person would understand. And that one person was the very one she didn't want to share her current thoughts.

 _Himemiya._

Why was the other girl so different?

When they'd escaped Ohtori Academy together, they'd fled the pretty coffin which had mostly benefited Akio, Anthy's hedonistic brother. She didn't expect for them to be caught in another ego trap. She didn't like mulling over her own grief that had caught her there to begin with, but in so many ways, she'd been lucky to meet Anthy. The girl had been everything Utena was looking for, and more.

To find herself here at Landel's Institute, once again subject to the macabre rules and whims of a madman who was obviously preoccupied with his own sick desires, brutally disappointed her. Even Anthy, who was also caught here, seemed changed. She was more quiet and reserved. Sorrow haunted her beautiful green eyes. She even smiled differently.

Utena wanted a new life, but she wasn't sure this was the girl she wanted to share it.

She was more used to tackling a problem directly with energy and good cheer, but the Institute worked to make people feel like helpless children, even more so than Ohtori had. No, not the place itself, Dr. Landel. She was sure he was the culprit. This new introspection--may it pass quickly--had overcome her on one of their rare excursions to nearby Doyleton.

 

While the sky had been bright and sunny back at that Institute--so much so that waiting out front in a throng for the buses to arrive, several people had felt faint or dizzy and been taken back to their rooms by concerned nurses--a cool, misty rain suffused the air in Doyleton. It blurred the horizon, so even when she strained to look down the longest street or at the treetops in the direction of the Institute, details in the distance faded into the haze. The nurses, orderlies, and even a few doctors had turned out in force to shepherd their charges around the various treats to be found in town.

For a young woman as active as Utena usually was, just being able to walk freely was a treat. She stretched her legs exploring the main street, looking into shop windows and breathing deeply of the cool air. Eventually, she took pity on the anxious orderly who was trailing after her, and turned into the nearest shop. A bell rang as the door opened and she was engulfed in an aroma which brought tears to her eyes, because it was so familiar and haunting.

 _Roses._

She looked automatically to her hand, her thumb sliding along the underside of her fingers to caress the band of a ring that was no longer there. She didn't miss it, but it had once meant so much to her, like the scent of roses. Her prince had given it to her, and she'd held onto it tightly through the years until arriving at Ohtori Academy.

 _Roses._

If she closed her eyes, she could imagine being back there. She didn't want to go back, even if it meant she'd get her Anthy back, but the memories were so strong. She forced herself to open her eyes again.

Water tinkled in a fountain that stood on the reception counter. An androgynous young person wearing loose pajama-style silk trousers and a bright green tunic was fussing with the drape of a flowered sheet that hid the counter, attempting to disguise its business-like origin and shape. The light from the street was brightened and refracted into warmer colors than fall gray by a few well-placed crystals hanging from the ceiling by fishing line and gauzy curtains. If she concentrated, Utena could detect a faint, smokiness under the rose scent which indicated it was some sort of incense instead of fresh roses, even if she couldn't see anything burning.

Finally with an air of seeming satisfaction, the person turned and smiled. It turned out to be a man, though hardly older than Utena herself. His eyes were dark brown and hair a wavy black that hung nearly to his shoulders. His eyes widened a bit when he saw her. Maybe it was her own pink hair, or maybe it was just the joy of having a young female as a potential client. "We're glad you could visit," he said so brightly it rang false.

"Uh... well, I just picked a shop at random. It's nice in here." What was she supposed to say? The people here in Doyleton were almost as vague and annoying as the daytime nurses.

"Are you here for a massage? Do you have a coupon?" the young man asked. "Roselyn is free for the next hour, though if you wanted to wait a few minutes, Katrine will be free."

The names made her smile. Maybe this was it, a different kind of therapy to put away her lingering attachment to people and places she couldn't get back. If she let go of enough, perhaps she and the new Anthy could find their way out of here too.

She dug the coupon out of her pocket, one of the older ones, and handed it to the too pleasant man. "Ah yes, from the Institute." She couldn't hear any pity in his voice, but she wasn't the best judge either. "Maybe an hour here will soothe your troubles away."

He led her to a back room so draped with fabric, the overhead light shining vaguely through like a distant sun, that it resembled a tent. The effect left no sharp angles or corners. A few potted plants hid the bulk of a boom box and the stack of CDs beside it. The massage table was covered with pale violet sheets. The receptionist left her with instructions to strip to her "comfort level" which she took to mean however much or little she wanted to bare. Well, there wasn't much use to getting a massage unless the masseuse could reach skin, so she stripped down to her panties, still institution issued plain drab white. Then she hopped onto the table and hid herself beneath the sheet.

Nights at the Institute were draining. She'd almost fallen asleep again when someone came into the room, Roselyn she assumed. The woman was very tall, taller than Utena who thought herself on the long end of femininity. Her long, dark hair was held back by only a pair of barrettes, and she wore a flowing robe that hid most of the shape of her body. She could be thin or fat under there, but from her strong-looking hands and firm, oval face, she wasn't likely a waif. The scent of roses wafted in more strongly with her.

"I'm Roselyn. What did you want today, miss? There is your choice of music and aromatherapy is free to our friends from Landel's Institute. Of course, they've paid for the full massage already."

"The whole thing," Utena requested. "Smells, hands and sounds."

Roselyn picked over the CD collection and put one into the portable stereo. Soon piano music filled the little room. The tune seemed vaguely familiar and a bit repetitive, but Utena couldn't place it. Not exactly. A peace settled around Utena and she closed her eyes again.

"What scent would you like? We use essential oils and the finest incense."

"Can there be both? I want rose." The idea of having roses rubbed into her skin delighted Utena in a way she didn't want to consider too closely. There was time to think about it later. While she waited for Roselyn to prepare everything, she wiggled her toes under the sheet.

The freshly burning incense was set on the floor by the stereo. The air was thick with smoky roses, as if a rose garden were being burned away by a fire. She could hear the crackling flames in her imagination. Then Roselyn began, her hands moistened by rose-scented massage oil. That smell was fresher, more full of memories. At first Utena couldn't help tensing up, but Roselyn's experienced fingers relaxed her until she lay languorous against the table.

By the time Roselyn was ready to turn Utena onto her stomach, the young woman was a bit lost in her memories. She could see faces clearly rise before her and voices, sometimes soft and pleading and sometimes sharp. The arguments. The duels. Anthy's hands on her shoulders. Her lips on her cheek. Fingers running through Utena's hair, sometimes long enough to touch her thighs, sometimes a short cap framing her face. Grief squeezed her heart so tight she could barely squeeze out a sob.

"Breathe, Utena," Roselyn urged. "Deep cleansing breaths. In for three counts. Hold for three. Out for three. Let it all go into your breath. Let it out."

How did she know her name? Her voice sounded familiar. For a moment, it reminded her Juri, so strong and unyielding, but that impression faded quickly.

With Utena on her stomach, Roslyn's rose-dipped fingers brushed the girl's pink hair from her neck. Small pulses, just her fingertips in a gentle circular motion to loosen delicate neck muscles. Utena's breathing fell into a regular, deep rhythm, almost like sleep. "Just relax," Roselyn told her. "Let all of your tension and worries float away."

Utena felt like she was floating, not quite in her body nor quite elsewhere. It felt like the very precipice of sleep, but she didn't fall over into dreams. Her thoughts drifted. Playing basketball with the boys. Anthy in the sunlight. Anthy surrounded by roses in the dueling arena, her hair whipping around her in a whirl of rose petals. The scent was so very strong. Anthy sitting beside her on a bed, dropping her hairbrush to trail her fingers along Utena's jaw. Beyond the static of the piano music, Utena could hear swords clashing and the roar of a car engine. _Was that real?_

She tried to raise her head. Roselyn, making a disapproving clucking noise, pushed her head back down until her forehead pressed against the oval of the face rest again. Roselyn's fingers moved down her back, probing gently along Utena's exposed spine. It almost hurt, but in that good way that promised to banish pain the future.

Now her mind was filled with pictures of Anthy as she was now. Anthy sitting in the cafeteria at Landel's Institute, poking her fork into a rice and vegetable dish and talking of how much nicer curry was. Anthy pushing her hair out of her face, and the light shining into her eyes, the same eyes, large and emerald green. Anthy in arts and crafts cutting out shapes with the small, blunt scissors, and gluing them together into the face and tiny body of a small monkey. She said he was her friend, Chu-Chu.

"Aren't I your friend?" she tried to ask her vision.

"Of course you are, Utena-sama. We'll always be friends now."

But the memory of Anthy didn't explain why. Utena will have to ask her. She knew that this Anthy escaped her Ohtori too, leaving Akio behind to his fruitless schemes. But they didn't escape together. Utena didn't understand why, and could not ask before the vision faded into the soothing pinkish-gray of the inside of her eyelids.

The music had stopped and a sheet covered her oiled and relaxed body. She was covered in the scent of roses. She was sure even her hair reeked of it, but she didn't wish to cry now. The memory wasn't overwhelming, just memory now. And now she was more eager to look to the future than ever before.

 

After she left the shop, Utena couldn't help the urge she had to walk around once more. She waved cheerfully to the more rested looking nurse, who had replaced the tired orderly she'd run ragged earlier. She walked back toward the part of the street where most of the others milled. The warm bubble in her middle made her feel expansively generous to all people.

Even the gloomy chill felt good against her cheeks. Many of the others stood huddled against the chill, even when they weren't inadequately dressed. She wanted to tell them to cheer up, stand tall. It would all be alright. As soon as she and Anthy found their way out, they'd not leave anyone behind.

The nurse seemed to be relieved when Utena found the park. Leaves, a little more dry and brown than their bright counterparts still decorating the tree limbs, crunched under her feet. She swung her arms as she marched along the brick-lined paths.

She wasn't surprised to find Anthy there. Of course, she'd be there, near other living things. Utena watched Anthy, almost hidden by a spiky bush, hold out her hand to a squirrel with mixed red and gray in his tail. The poor animal didn't seemed to know what to make of the thumbnail-sized twist of bagel in the palm of Anthy's hand even though the birds perched above urged him to take it. Any self-respecting bird would love such a treat. Eventually he snatched it and ran off. From a distance, he turned back and scolded Anthy for not bring nuts, the proper treat for squirrels. The birds flew off in disgust.

When Anthy noticed her, Utena sat on the grass beside her. If Anthy could smell the roses, she didn't remark on it. They sat for a long time in the sunshine, not speaking of anything.

 

Utena wasn't surprised when Anthy found her in the Sun Room. She carried an origami rose, white paper so thin the light showed through it.

"I've been thinking," Utena began, "we need to put our heads together about getting out of here. Enough of this waiting."

"I agree, Utena-sama." Anthy smiled and tucked the white paper rose behind Utena's ear.


End file.
